She went from zero to smokin in five shots
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
