toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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