He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I would fuck him just for his dog
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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