I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
