I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
