Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
