Please, let me fuck your mom
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Randomize
