I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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