Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
