Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
