i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
