So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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