She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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