Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
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