she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
