I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
