yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
