My nipple is on Facebook.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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