Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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