You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
