goodnight i made you a song goodbye
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
