Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize