Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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