Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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