Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
