you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Is it because I queefed?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
