Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
and i looked up. we had an audience...
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Randomize
