I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
