In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
he was CRYING into my vagina
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
