My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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