I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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