you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
