biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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