Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
