Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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