its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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