you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
