why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
the liver wants what the liver wants
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
