Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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