When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize