Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
