It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
