Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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