I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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