so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
