last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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