You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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