you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Randomize