Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I could fuck to npr.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
