But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
