There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Randomize
