I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize