youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
My vagina just recognized that song.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
