I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
