Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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