Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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