I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
this must be what syphilis tastes like
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
