I just pynch a tree in the face
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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