Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
