In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
