It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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