I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
