i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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