you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
