I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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