Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
