Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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