So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize