she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
