Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
