Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
