So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
