sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
