just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize