girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
