Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize