My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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