I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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