Umm I'm too high to move.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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