You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
