I am in a vortex of obligation.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Two words: blizzard sex
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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