my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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