so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize