The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
