eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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