Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize