i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
