Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
