Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
