Those balls look pretty dangerous.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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