there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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