tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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