Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
