Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
