the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
