I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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