Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
