the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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